Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
