I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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