I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
