69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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