The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
