I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
