checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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