Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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