Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
