Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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