I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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