Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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