someone threw a dead crab at me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
