I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
