Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize