i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
