After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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