When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my liver is dry heaving
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
send nudes
from the living room?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
