Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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