mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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