Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
