for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
