He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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