is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
