she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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