i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My balls are so social today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
