Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
