Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize