Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
