I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
