I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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