Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
