is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize