so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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