Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
accomplished twins. life is a go
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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