he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
