he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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