You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
