remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
