dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
