I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I party with great urgency now.
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