I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
