I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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