when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Randomize
