You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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