My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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