guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
