I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Shame - the story of my life.
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