It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
