Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
