You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
