I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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