shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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