Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
