I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
