3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
