when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
