Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am available for nakedness
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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