Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize