True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
