someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
