I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
