The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
