I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
