Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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