Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
