she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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