Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
