Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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