I bet he comes in French.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
