i don't like sucking hair
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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