I'm drive I can fine osifer
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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