Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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