Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
