I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
