You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
