I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
