if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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