at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
