I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
