Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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