I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
