You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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