The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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